I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
