you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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