In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I only lived at night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
love makes seman taste better
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
