I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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