none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
