Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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