May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
