Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
