the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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