Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize