I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
