I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
