i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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