If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
