Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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