I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
