I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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