Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize