I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
