she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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