sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
