there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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