I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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