why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
