my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Farmville is her only friend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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