the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
