i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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