People in love make me want to vomit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
