Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He has the fingertips of a God
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
