shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
