dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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