a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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