some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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