I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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