I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
