I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
