I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
