My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
