it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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