Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can text with my tongue
this just has baby written all over it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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