My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
