When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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