Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize