I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
