Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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