genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
