how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
