Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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