i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
