i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize