I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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