We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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