how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
