while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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