i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
