What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
