Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
