I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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