you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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