I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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