I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
