she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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