I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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