We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you. Go after that dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
