I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
