Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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