32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
