My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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