I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
