Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
