Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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