just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
