We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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