walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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