I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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