I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
