wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
