Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
