"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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