.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
