i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
