I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize