What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
