i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
