I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize