You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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