in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
