I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize