So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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