I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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