wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
