Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
