how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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