I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Damn victory sex feels great
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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