After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize